I have a little rule when buying clothes.
My friend, Nadine and I have often joked about it.
If you try something on, but then find yourself fiddling with it, adjusting it, or pulling it around?
Take it off and don’t buy it, no matter how much you like it, because it’s not right.
Sometimes it’s a bit annoying when you really want it to be right, but I’m never thrilled with the outcome when I go against this particular rule.
More than once Nadine and I have shopped together and I’ve tried something on and she’s had to point out: you’re fiddling, remember your rule? Don’t you hate it when people quote you back to yourself? 
If it’s right, it will sit properly and look and feel great with no extra fuss.
This applies to other decisions as well.
Let me give you a funny example.
Earlier this year, right before my husband lost his job, I had a really deep desire for a greater sense of security (my intuition was onto it). I decided to apply for a part-time teaching role I came across, and figured I could still see clients, just a day or two less and could do this other job (it was 5 days/fortnight). The whole idea seemed super sensible.
The job was at a posh private girls school. I started making adjustments TO MYSELF to fit the idea.
“I’ll need new clothes.
And new shoes.
Oh and new bags.
I will need to go and read a whole lot of papers and websites so I can learn about things I have limited interest in.
And then this: well they might not like me being so public on Facebook and Twitter, so I’ll need to change that (and then worrying: have I ever said anything a school would find inappropriate, ever? I think I’m fine. Am I fine?)
AND THEN: I really should modify my “about page” to sound a bit more “corporate” (don’t worry I changed it back).
All evidence: worst idea ever
I mean, not ever. Just not a good idea for me.
I wanted it to be the right idea, at that moment, but it really wasn’t. No amount of fiddling around was going to make it right.
Luckily, I didn’t even get an interview. A few months later the school ended up all through the media for a money scandal.
And of course well before that I had already realised: I really should listen to my own advice more often.
How to know you’re making the wrong decision
Here are some tell tale signs:
- You start thinking about how you can change to make the idea work
- There is no flow
- It feels forced
- You find yourself justifying the idea to yourself (and probably others too)
What to do
Alas – there are no short-cuts to getting to know yourself and what’s best for you, and noone can do it for you (or me!) You might try:
- Meditation
- Yoga
- Kinesiology sessions
- Structured goal setting and reflection (you might try Leonie Dawson’s fab workbooks - I used them this year)
- Journalling about how you feel
- My DIY Kinesiology Kit – coming soon
So tell me: have you ever known you were making the wrong decision, but tried to force it to be right?
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I can completely relate to this post! I have spent a large portion of my life trying to force things that are completely wrong for me. It isn’t until after the event that I can see clearly the signs. The most dramatic of these was a house I wanted to buy in Northcote. It was on a main road, a renovator’s delight, located on the other side of town, nowhere near anyone I knew. But I wanted this house, I thought by buying this place I would create the lifestyle I wanted. The auction was to be held on the Saturday and on the Thursday I went and made an offer to the agent, signed the documents and left a $20,000 deposit. The agent phoned later that night to say the offer had been accepted. On the Friday night before the proposed auction I received a call from the agent saying the vendors have changed their mind and the auction would in fact go ahead as planned. I arrived early to the auction and had to almost forcibly remove the contracts from the agent’s hand. The auction began and there were a few of us bidding at a slow pace when an older man put in a substantial bid. I had seen this guy before and thought that he may be the vendor (which is completely illegal). I challenged the agent at this point and the auction was halted and passed in to me at $50,000 lower than my offer. The agents tried to reinstate my original offer post auction but I refused…at last my instincts kicked in, and I knew this wasn’t the right move for me. When I got home I had a quick flick through the contracts before I destroyed them…they had been signed and therefore were legal. Had I not taken them I would have had a difficult time getting my deposit back and perhaps even proceeded with the sale. I ended up buying in the South Eastern Suburbs, close to family and friends. I started a great job at my old primary school and met some fabulous friends (Kerry!). It was the comfortable and safe environment that I needed at that point in my life. I went on to get married and have a baby and couldn’t imagine my life had I bought the ‘wrong house’. We have since sold that house and moved again, but we bought in the right area at the right time and it has made things a whole lot more stable whilst we have a young family. :0)
Donna Cowen recently posted..tote e-course coming soon…..
That is so funny Donna! I am SO happy you didn’t buy that house. They really made a mess of that deal didn’t they! And yay it meant I got to become friends with you (AND teach with you!!!)
ALSO! Loving the look of your website and gorgeous little e-course coming soon. You are so clever!
xo
kerrybelviso recently posted..How to know you’re making the wrong decision
Bwahahaha! I have a few examples like that. Not just clothes. Mostly, for me, they’ve been relationships. Love your work, lady.
Nadine (@yogawithnadine) recently posted..Don’t worry about how slowly you feel you’re heading to your dreams…
Yes I think it’s mostly (or only) me who needs the clothes rule.
The MEN rule, well you do win that one for sure! Sorry lovely!
xo
kerrybelviso recently posted..How to know you’re making the wrong decision
Oh I so relate to this! I find I’m pretty good with clothes, but when I’m going for a new job I do so much work to try and fit myself into the mould of the person they’re looking for that, once I get it, I then feel like I already have to know everything and be perfect, and of course I can’t say no to anything because that was how I sold myself.
And now, as I’m starting up a business, the same thing is happening! (Admittedly, this is more due to my impatience and wanting to get everything done NOW than due to any external forces)
Hi Jacqui! Yes it’s funny how we sometimes try to fit ourselves to the circumstances rather than checking in with ourselves if the circumstances are really right for us. I love your example of how it has meant you feel like you end up having to say yes to everything after selling this amazing package of yourself in interviews.
I do find that lots of people transfer habits from jobs into their new businesses too, it’s so interesting! Shows us our internal patterns doesn’t it
I do this a lot because I am an eternal optimist. I look to HOW I can make it “fit” or “work” rather than accepting that sometimes it won’t which is challenging for me. I think for me it is linked to perfectionistic tendencies, making something right, being able to “fix” it etc. I have been working very consciously on being aware of it, accepting it about myself and then trying to move away from that behaviour. I now also seek guidance from within a lot more than before, so I need less validation from others. That has been a change
Rita Cincotta recently posted..Please no… don’t make me network…!
Love that Rita!
Yes it’s funny isn’t it – we sometimes take on these kinds of things like it’s a personal challenge: “I WILL make it work!” It’s just a bit tiring isn’t it
Thanks for commenting! x
kerrybelviso recently posted..Links I’m loving
I do this all the time. How do I change it? I would have loved to have read more ideas how to know. You gave us a great example of your own but how do I know? What checklist can I use? Thanks
Hi Judy! Thanks so much for your comment!
I added a little bit extra to the post but the BEST way to know what’s right for you is to work on your connection to yourself through meditation, yoga, Kinesiology, journalling, reflection or similar tools. When you know yourself well, you’re more likely to know what’s right for you, and also to recognise when you’re making a decision that’s not right for you more quickly (and learn from the experience).
Alas there is no short cut to that – each of us has to spend time on getting to know ourselves if we value it. I think it’s definitely worth the effort!
Take care, Kerry
kerrybelviso recently posted..What stops you achieving your goals?